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Funny adds on craigslist!

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Actor needed for emotional role � One day high pay

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Date: 2009-04-17, 12:52PM EDT

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My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

Location: DC, MD, VA
PostingID: 1126876415

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Note to the female posters

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Date: 2009-07-09, 12:09PM CEST

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Dear feminine readership,
You appear to be desperately in need of some assistance and I propose to help with some tips and pointers.

1. All men are not 6 feet tall. Please do not indicate this requirement in all of your posts. It makes you pass as silly twats.
2. 99% of the men here are not looking for wifey. They already have wifey.
3. Please do not sugar-coat your messages with fairy-tale references and touchy-feely gobble dee-gook. We're not here to read that garbage.
4. If you want to fork, say so, don't spend 15 mails beating around the bush while babbling about some romantic evening or visting a museum.
5. If you don't want to fork, then say so and post elsewhere. This place is for consenting adults seeking to fork each other.
6. Don't mislead with your descriptions as bathing beauty queens who are "independent"...we know that you are players looking for a kind soul to slip you the bone.
7. Don't expect us to be Adonis statues from ancient Greece. Age takes it's toll, time slips by on all of us.
8. Do tell us about your tits and ass, that is of great interest to us. If you speak serbo-croation, we couldn't care less.
9. Don't be offended if we enquire about your physical credentials.
10. Do grow up and play the game according to the rules, with maturity and honesty.
11. If you want cash, say so up front and be straightforward for once.
12. Be willing to play out of the box. We like clubs, saunas, car sex and exhibitionism. If you're not modern, then find something else to do.
13. Quit thinking that Prince Charming really exists and that he's probably lurking here on Craigslist somewhere...just for you.
14. Get over the fact theat men are sex animals and we think about that quite often. It won't kill you.
15. Don't be offended if we are direct and forthcoming. We have to weed thru the spammers, the whores and the numerous idiots here.
16. On a date, dress nicely and look sharp. If you have a decent rack, put it on display.
17. Don't worry if your ass looks fat, it probably isn't and some of us like that.
18. Don't expect to get married here because you posted a witty ad.
19. Do prepare to enjoy your date and have fun if your initial contacts go well.
20. Do not expect men to worship you because you've agreed to have a date. You are one among a billion others. Hope this helps as we are growing tired of reading shallow girl-dribble on this board.

Kind regards.




Location: Paris
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1260845060

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